Conspiracy Corner: The Earth’s Edge



Harmon Lanager, Staff Writer

Welcome back, flatsters, to Conspiracy Corner. There are certain beliefs in our world that appear so self-evident, so concrete that questioning them is enough to be labeled crazy. But in a world so rife with hidden truths and those who want to keep those truths buried, how sure can you be of anything? Here at Conspiracy Corner, we are no strangers to challenging the accepted narrative, and we will never stop questioning everything from lizard people manipulating the government to the existence of men-in-black to even the shape of the Earth. 

Yes, we’re going there.  

Is the Earth flat? If you ask Kryie Irving, Wilson Chandler, and 2% of the American population, they would answer with a resounding “yes.”  

Flat-Earthers are a surprisingly diverse and large group, with a variety of theories as to the true shape of the Earth. Some say that the Earth is flat but surrounded by a large, near-impenetrable ice wall, others that the sky is actually a giant dome covering the world.  

You may ask yourself, “But we have photos from space proving the Earth is round!” 

Lies. All lies concocted by NASA to hide the truth. Or at least, that’s what Flat-Earthers would have you believe. The question then becomes why? Who profits from hiding the true shape of the Earth? According to the Flat Earth Society, NASA and all the other space agencies around the world are working in secret to hide the truth so that they can continue to embezzle the massive funds afforded by their governments. 

This is ignoring, of course, that only as of 2015, only 25 billion dollars have been spent on space exploration worldwide. At first, that may sound like a lot but consider this: you would have to pay all the people claiming to be NASA employees to keep the illusion going, pay every flight attendant and pilot, sniper, and sailor in the world to keep quiet about the Flat-Earth, and pay for fake expeditions to Antarctica to maintain the illusion that there’s not a giant, infinite ice-wall (presumably with White-Walkers beyond it). With all that in consideration, 25 billion seems like a lowly amount to orchestrate such a convoluted conspiracy.  

Not to mention, the scale of this conspiracy would be staggering. The number of people that would need to keep absolute secrecy in order for this to work would be ludicrous. You would need every scientist, plane pilot, ship captain, artillerist, astronaut, and supposed employee of NASA to stay quiet. Remember, Watergate only had a handful of people and they couldn’t keep that hidden. They couldn’t keep Clinton and Monica’s affair secret and that was literally just two people! This conspiracy would require thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of people having complete and utter devotion to keeping a lie. I have even seen one Flat Earther claim that the country of Australia is not real and anyone claiming otherwise is a liar hired by NASA. 

Ultimately, there are things too outlandish to believe – even for us here at Conspiracy Corner. While we extol the virtues of paranoia and questioning the “accepted narrative,” one must have a certain sense of reason about it. Believing in utterly false concepts with little to no evidence is just a bad habit. Simply put, the Flat Earth is a myth. Now, the theory that the Earth is on the back of a giant turtle flying through space? That’s true.