As college students, we are situated between the high school years of “practice dating;” where teenagers begin to learn what they want in a partner, and the adult world of dating for marriage or other personal or more complex reasons. Navigating the world of relationships, regardless of type, can be complicated. They take time, patience, and dedication to find your ideal partner, and much understanding of what the right thing to do comes from experience. This article identifies five important aspects of relationships you should consider before embarking on your relationship journey.
- Be Honest With Yourself
Before you can be a good partner to someone else, you need to know what you want. Whether you want to be in a relationship to share your life with someone special, for tax reasons, or to have children, make sure you have at least a vague outline of your plans for the future so you and your potential partner can be on the same page. If you are only looking for intimacy, be upfront about it early on so you do not engage with someone under false pretenses. Most importantly, before you enter the dating field, try to have a basic understanding of the kind of person you are attracted to. Dating, especially your first few experiences, will help you figure out what you are truly looking for—do not be afraid to experiment and try new types of relationships (as long as you are comfortable). Do you like men, women, both, neither, or other? Are you monogamous or polyamorous? Do you want to get married in a few years, sooner, or later down the line? Do you want kids? These are questions you should at least have considered before entering the dating world. Doing so will both help you find someone who complements your life plan and prevent all parties from wasting their time.
- Know Where to Look
Finding a partner is often considered the most difficult part of dating. After all, it takes more than one person to have a relationship and finding that person can take some time. As a college student, you have a few options. The (arguably) easiest way to find someone is to meet them naturally in person. At work, in class, at a club meeting, college events, or school trips—there are many places where you can run into your future partner. If you want to meet new people, try joining a student organization, attending an event, or going to a student get-together. If starting out in person does not work for you or makes you nervous, try an indirect method, where a secondary party, such as a friend or family member, introduces you to a possible partner. Another method you can try is dating applications such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Grindr, HER, or Coffee Meets Bagel. Make sure to pick an app that suits your needs and the type of relationship you desire!
- It Is Okay To Be Single
The popular narrative for adults is that everyone needs a relationship to be happy. It could be pressure from your family, friends, religion, coworkers, or anyone else in your life—but no one can or should make this decision for you. It is up to you whether or not you want to dedicate the time, emotion, and mental space it takes to maintain a partner. If you do not want a relationship of any kind, that is your choice. If you want to be single, be single! However, if you find yourself single after a bad breakup, a failed talking stage, or bad luck in dating, keep in mind that it is not shameful or a sign of failure to be single. Take some time to focus on improving yourself, learn and grow from your previous encounters, and then you can jump back into the dating scene. If you are single and not “ready to mingle,” take things at your own pace. If that means you’re ready to get back out there, go for it. If not, take all the time you need. Some people are not cut out for relationships or discover they are happier on their own, and that is perfectly okay too!
2. Discuss Your Boundaries
When you are in the initial stages of a new relationship, it is best to discuss your boundaries as soon as possible. By doing this, you can avoid uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations. Misunderstanding verbal and nonverbal cues, especially if there is no established comfort level, can lead to less-than-ideal results, such as mental, sexual, emotional, or physical harm. Talk through your goals, desires, and limitations with your partner to ensure you both have the best experience possible. Pace yourself and do what you are comfortable with on a timeline that feels right for you. Just as no one can choose whether you get into a relationship or not, it is up to you to decide when or if you want to get married, have kids, move in together, engage in intimate activities, or make any other major life decisions. Remember—many of these steps in a relationship will impact the rest of your life and often cannot be undone once they are made; it is important to ensure you make good choices.
3. Stay Safe
As mentioned in the discussion of boundaries, it is important to make good choices in your relationships. Whether a choice is “bad” or not differs from relationship to relationship, but there are a few constants across the board. Avoid anything that you feel might be harmful. While trying new things is necessary for exploration, make sure to do your research (if necessary) and proceed with caution. Take care of yourself and maintain your personal health and security. In addition to your safety, remember that there is more than one life involved in your relationship. Your partner is another human being with thoughts, feelings, and an independent life that they willingly intersect with your own. Make sure to respect and care about them to keep your partner happy, healthy, and connected.
Every partnership is different, and it is up to you and whomever you are with to define what your relationship is and what you want it to become. Consider the saying “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” when choosing to participate in anything new or potentially dangerous, such as meeting someone new from a dating app or engaging in intimate acts. There is someone out there for everyone in terms of both romantic and platonic relationships, and if you look, everyone can find the person for them. If you decide to pursue a new relationship, I wish you the best of luck, and if not, I hope you find happiness in whatever you choose for yourself. Happy Hunting!
