Depression is a common and serious illness that affects about 1/5 of the global population. Symptoms range from person to person, but almost always include a loss of interest in things previously found pleasurable, a persistent feeling of sadness, a feeling of hopelessness, and at times anger.
When dealing with my depression at its worst, I faced a severe feeling of emotional numbness. I felt unconnected from everyone around me, and nothing brought me joy or happiness. I’ve long since been treating my depression, and rarely do I feel the sadness anymore, but it’s been a long journey.
I think the power of medication is underrated. Without medication, I would’ve probably succumbed to my depression. The same goes for many of my friends who also take antidepressants. Medicine and therapy helped significantly for me. When the two are used together, symptom management is a lot more successful.
When I was in my deepest depression, around my freshman year in high school, I pushed a lot of my friends away. I started to not talk much and I barely ate. This is when the numbness that I mentioned began to creep into me. It took a very long time before I felt normal, and I wish I could thank everyone who helped me on the way back to being normal.
Depression affects people in various ways, and often it’s easy to hide. Even at my lowest, my depression was an internal battle. I don’t remember showing signs of depression, so it’s important to know what to look for.
Some common signs are changes in appetite, changes in sleep patterns, fatigue, agitation, excessive crying, and social isolation. Talking about suicide can also be a warning sign.
Depression can feel very lonely. A person with depression may feel like they have no friends or people who care for them. The loneliness of depression can be suffocating, but reaching out to someone can be a huge first step.
I’ll never forget the numbness I felt. The sheer feeling of having no emotions, just a void in my body. Sometimes I’m afraid that void will return, despite knowing it won’t. I’m on medications and I’ve done therapy, and right now I’m at the best mental health I’ve ever been in.
I want my story to give hope. There’s always hope, that’s something I’ve learned. Hope is one of the strongest combatants against depression. Depression wants to grab and drain all hope and life away. Look for hope. Try to see the good in the world, no matter how dark it gets there’s a light.
On my darkest days I held on barely to some hope that things would one day change. I believed, even if just a little, that one day I could be happy again. One day I’d be able to tell my family I loved them and mean it. I held out for the hope that one day I’d make it through, and despite all odds I did. Please reach out to someone and try as hard as you can to hold on to some form of hope.
